Hal's Hat

Hal's Hat

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Garden Almanac

Here are some updates to my garden almanac:

Due to that extended stretch of heat in the first three weeks of September, I've replanted my spinach THREE times. I have a few that are happy now and germinated... but sheesh!

My lettuce and chard are both doing fine. Since I started them from seed, they got bedraggled by heat and insects. However, they are loving Autumn and looking like troopers. 

Made some Melissa officinalis vinegar (that's Lemon balm) this weekend. It is the simplest recipe ever: stuff a jar full of lemon balm, pour cider vinegar over it. Cap it. Woo hoo. I use it for salad and soup. It is lovely tasting- lightly lemon. Balm is used for mood lifting and lightening the heart. It isn't a heavy hitter on the herbal medicine scale but not everything needs to be. (Harvested it from the kid's school garden :))

As the equinox approached and the season shifts, I am aware that my body is craving balance. I need to feed it more bitter foods, more wild edibles and nourishing seasonal goodies. It's important, for me, not to give in to my basest cravings. I natively crave carbs the minute a seasonal change appears. I mean, I wander my kitchen mulling my possibilities and settle on cheez-its. I then eat them, notice they feel and taste tangy (that's good) but also muddy (like rancid oil). Really self? This is what you wanted? It turns out that sesame oil is a recommended Ayurvedic remedy for my constitution. I make a salad bowl with kale and lettuce and beets and add lots of sesame oil. Better. Left over Vietnamese beef broth with noodles and green stuff- also very very good. Warming, dark, flavorful but balancing. Adding kale gives it a tang and kick that settles my stomach. 

First apple crisp of the season last night. My dad loved the seasonal apple crisps! 5 lb bag of Jonathon apples from the Rees farm near Perry. Perfect tart flavor!! 

What is approaching? Waiting for the sweet potato leaves to begin to yellow. Harvesting all the tomatoes I can and cooking them down. Harvesting okra here and there for freezing. Tomatillos are STILL producing well!
I made infused oil in the last month as well. I dragged my feet in the summer... so I harvested rosemary and comfrey during their respective bloom times for oil. 

Pro tips: Separate your perennials (that is DIVIDE them) now. Use root stimulator to assist them getting acclimated. The cooler the weather, the easier it is to plant!
Fertilize grass- Milorganite is a manure-based fertilizer that is non-chemical and fairly natural. Spread it on your grass for a green up and assisting the grass roots!
NOW IS DESIGN TIME. Consider design in your landscape. Yes, I'm a designer. Yes, I think design makes everything feel better. You can work within whatever framework you like- permaculture, native landscaping, xeriscape, fancy English gardens.... 
Bulbs--- because you will love yourself in the spring! I mean it. Great big fancy daffodils will make your March. :) Woodland bulbs I love: 

chionodoxa

galanthus or snowdrop
grape hyacinth


Bulb tips: forget tulips or understand that they aren't the best perennials. I like and am experimenting with:

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

This liminal moment: summal, fummer? August 35th?

Good morning September.... it's slowly becoming August lite here. Still hot, rapidly whirling toward my birthday and the equinox. I have been gathering the late summer bounty- tomatillos, peppers, tomatoes.
I've also begun sowing the fall bounty and back to work in the gardens....





Here is what I'm doing: I'm picking up clearance annuals. I've planted dill plants and ornamental peppers and nasturtiums! They are beautiful, enjoy the heat/cool dynamic we will be rocking out with for another few months (?) or weeks.
On August 15, I planted my first crop of the fall garden. I planted green bibb lettuce and red leaf lettuce. I also planted a row of Ruby Red chard, pulled out my old kale, planted a small plot of carrots and some rows of spinach. As usually happens in this liminal moment, this threshhold moment, some seeds were so fertile and ready to grow that the 90 degree days didn't phase them. The spinach promptly told me to go to hell, though. So I replanted more this weekend. I can take rejection.

Seed germination basics: they don't like hot weather and will germinate more evenly in sub 85 degree days! Keep the seed bed evenly moist. If the seed dries out, it's dead. I watered every late afternoon- not ideal, but it works for me. Once you see dichots, keep the watering even and don't let them dry out. They are very tender. If they are being attacked by critter (insect, pests, birds), use a floating row cover to protect. Choose seeds that are meant for the time you are growing. Don't start tomato or basil seeds in late summer for a fall garden. Don't start melons. Here is a great list of what to start when! It is from K-State and is the gold standard. The first pages are how many seeds to plant for the yield you want. Page 3 is the calendar.



My sweet potatoes and okra are happy. My calendula needs cool and looks burnt out. The comfrey offered a second bloom and I collected it! The wild original roses, the old ones, are putting on the second show. The nasturtiums like it dry and coolish- so they offer their bubbly presence. And the freaky, perennial rosemary?? It's decided to bloom. I mean, this plant shouldn't be wintering over. But it's moved into sub-shrub territory!

On the docket this fall-- I'm going to interview my yoga teacher, Sharyn, and get the good info for you on some of the poses that have been reinvigorating me. What about stimulating the thryroid by locking my throat bandha, jalandhara bandha? What poses might support my liver, kidneys and adrenal glands? Also, I found this wonderful article on the psoas muscle. It's a profound eye-opener for me, one of those muscles that does so much.

Have you read this much-shared article about the link between gut flora (pro-biotics HEEEYEEE!) and mental illness/ mental health? It is really good support for the notion that we, adults, should support our gut flora in as many ways as we can. We should identify and eliminate foods that are allegens to us and which make us feel crappy. Then, we should help our guts repair themselves by eating lots of probiotic foods/ probiotic supplements. I don't actually take any supplement but I do give them to my kids. The second part of the article is that gut flora is made or broken in childhood. FEED YOUR KIDS FERMENTED FOODS- like good unsweetened yogurt, kefir, kombucha, fermented vegetables (uhm, good luck?). Or use a probiotic supplement.

Update on RAGWEED (which I keep writing as rage weed. Yes. Rage. Weed.): the ragweed tea, not infusion, is very helpful to me. I do not have intense ragweed allergies this year. The tea has kept my histamine reaction to a minimum! What I did was make a large jar of it. I pruned off ragweed leaves and put them in hot water. Very complex. Then I steeped it for  20 minutes or so. I drank a couple cups every few days. Pleasant. Surprising.]
I know that some people who have bad allergies to Ambrosia (that's the botanical name for all ragweeds) should NOT DO THIS. But for those of us with sneezing and itchy eyes who seek relief without pills, it's pretty nice. 
[Please consult someone knowledgeable before picking random leaves....  I mean, you know that. But consult me, send me a message with a picture if you don't know ragweed by sight. I'm here to help!]


Again a list of what I've linked above:
The K-State garden calendar. All pertinent info about vegetable seeds, when to start, how to gauge yield, perennial/annual status, warm/cool season crop and a basic calendar.
The yoga, psoas muscle article.
The link between gut flora and mental wellness.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Happy Ragweed Day!

ragweed in bloom. 
I just learned that August 15th is beginning of ragweed season. This makes sense as I spent a good part of the morning yesterday pulling giant ragweed from Myrna's school playground.
Here is what I want: I want YOU to identify ragweed. I want you to pull it (it's extremely easy to pull)- every kind you see. I want you to breathe easier.
Why? Ragweed is a serious irritant- it causes hayfever in an estimated 15-30% of people. This means nasal irritation, phlegm, itchy eyes, chest and lung irritation and inflammation, etc. You know the drill don't you? Even though I'm not a terribly allergic person, this pollen irritates the shit out of me (sorry)! And it is cumulative... while it might not irritate you as a kid, the more exposure, the more irritated you will get. And then your body has a histamine reaction to this irritation. That is why many people take an anti-histamine. While I understand and do so occasionally myself, I try to stop the cycle so that I don't have to. Histamine reactions in the body can be serious- Encyclopedia Brittanica ahoy!
Where? All open soil can be a potential site for ragweed. It seems to like poor, disturbed soils. It targets alleys, empty lots, and untended garden sites. If you walk into any alley in Lawrence, you'll see it I would guess.

So how do you do this? I'd recommend long sleeves and whatever else you've got- gloves, pants, shoes. You know. After you're done, wash it all and wash yourself. You will have pollen all over you (hair, skin, etc). Ragweed won't cause an itchy bumpy skin rash- except in the most delicate individuals, I'd guess. So I just pull it out bare handed. But don't do this. My hands are wrecked. Save yourself!

Kinds: Small leaved ragweed is about 18" high and has fine ferny leaves. 
this is the small leaved ragweed. 
A giant ragweed: what those leaves look like. 
This is giant ragweed. Just step into your alley to survey that 5' tall giant staring back at you. It's bloom covered in pollen, right at nose level. 


How do I cope with hayfever you ask? I use homeopathic hayfever tabs from Hylands. These work moderately well. I try to be preventative- don't let your body get really worked up. As I said, it's a reaction that will just crank itself up like a sleep-deprived 4 year old. Head that off at the pass! Take it many times a day. If you let it go too far, you might as well take an Allegra, Zyrtec etc. I'm not even going to research that stuff. When I resort to it, I'm usually so miserable I just don't care. 
Also, this year I really am making a tincture from the blooming tops of ragweed. I've heard this is the most effective but haven't tried it. I will keep you posted on results! Also, I'm gathering leaves to dry for infusions/ tea. I wouldn't try the infusion if you are seriously allergic. But the tea would be a safe stepping stone.
If anyone wants to do a weed-walk and plant identification walk, please contact me! I have time in my schedule. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

Capturing the heat....

One of the most fascinating parts of creating a garden is discovering, newly every year, what succeeds against all odds. As a designer, I want to give my clients every opportunity to enjoy THIS time of year. By this, I mean late summer. The cicadas, the start date of the school year in view, the heat, the humidity, the tomatoes, the peppers and eggplants, the mosquitoes and lighting bugs. The argiope spiders! It's the time of year when we begin harvesting what we sowed. It's the time when I remember to surrender to the heat and enjoy the salsa. Iced drinks and fleeting time-- gardens are time catchers. So put objects and plants in them that capture and express the beauty of certain times of year....

Here are some suggestions for plants that make me happy during this fleeting time.



Blackberry Lily--This is an oddball. Used to be rare but I'm seeing it more lately. Actually an iris (Belamcanda chinensis), this guy puts on black berries in the fall and is very decorative. It has very small and airy blooms with that crazy red dot... they don't last long but they sure do tower above everything else and create a real note of contrast!




Echinacea-- This is the prairie favorite. It does require additional water when the drought settles in. But not too much... those seed heads and the purple flower really inspire and delight me.The goldfinches love them in season and in winter! 



Spurge- Pairs very well with the Blackberry lily because this hugs the ground, has the small minty green "needle-like" leaves and a persistent bloom (directly contrasting the Blackberry lily). Spurge is strange- reported to be invasive in livestock fields yet a really, really great landscape plant. Drought tolerant and nearly a succulent.... Odd and wonderful.


Hardy Hibiscus- This is a showy mofo. She's loud and tall and her foliage is great. She's worth the wait! Need I say more?



Tiger Lilies- These came with the house, as far as I remember. As in, they came with the house when my folks bought it in 1979! These are a real lily, 3-4' tall. Now they are in dappled shade but they prefer sun. These small black bulblets are how the plant reproduces!



This montage of awesome are yellow Rudbekia 'Goldsturm' with Lantana (an annual) in front of them. I need to reinforce right here- this is why you plant annuals! The color and the wow when it's hot and dry. Also, behind them, that mass of grey-green is 'Silver Mound' Artemesia. It's stunning.

Here are some extras that are not pictured but so worth it in the late summer: Ninebark "Summer Wine" has amazing burgundy foliage and a great structure. Caryopteris is not quite in bloom yet but I always remember why I love this plant right now. Bright blue blossoms, 3' tall stature, grayish foliage. This is one that wasn't probably as cold tolerant at one time. New varieties are really useful and great.


Also, please enjoy this amazing shrimp/ avocado salsa recipe from the Smitten Kitchen.... hubba hubba!


Here are some garden reminders for this part of the season:

It really is time to divide and replant bearded irises. They go into a summer dormancy. Use you garden fork and lift the rhizomes and divide them. Replant them when it isn't over 90 degrees-- other than that, it's pretty simple!

Warning: the spider mites are out in force. I wrote on the landscape company blog about this topic, so visit there if you're interested. 














Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Vitamin controversy- it comes back again.

I don't even know if I want to set foot into this arena. But given the fact that I write for a small audience, most of whom I know, all of whom know how to get a hold of vitamin/supplement experts (like Tyra at the Merc, myself, etc), I feel like I should say a little.
Over the past month, I've heard the wonk wonk of mainstream media (totally bunko CNN) start the semi-annual banter about vitamins, studies, findings and what is POSSIBLY REALLY BAD FOR YOU. 
I should preface this all with: I do not advocate mega-dosing on anything. You want to? Ok. It's your body. Find out what could happen first. Mega doses of fried fish or chocolate or booze or vitamin C will all do something- find out what could happen!
I also just don't like multi-vitamins. Do you know why? As conspiracy watchers (like Boingboing.net, respectable, smart/nerdy and interesting content btw.) often point out, the vitamin industry is unregulated. Now, what happens next in this convo is that the person says they want the FDA to regulate the vitamin industry. Uhhh, that's stupid. The FDA is barely current on medical devices, nutrition, pharmaceuticals and agriculture. I don't think they have the background, interest or expertise to evaluate vitamins. Leave it to the Europeans. They've done research on this stuff for decades and have great info. Back to multis though: they are based on RDA or recommended daily allowances put forth by the FDA, which is questionable science. The vitamin companies then shove a bunch of lab-made elements into a pill and package it for sale. 
Here is another idea: get a reasonable handle on what smart and healthy folks around you take daily. Get a nutritional evaluation done by a doctor or medical professional (my chiropractor is a nutritionist and can do blood work/ spit kit/ urine test to determine where deficiencies lie). Then read up on how to help those deficiencies. My best guess is that nearly everyone needs vitamin D supplementation and fish oil supplementation, maybe B12. Many other deficiencies can be addressed by radical, positive dietary change. I want to emphasize what is at stake in many of these articles-- everyone should not take vitamins. Everyone should pay attention to nutrition and learn more. The SAD (standard american diet) is very very very nutritionally deficient. If this is what you eat, you will need to supplement to get through your day. Wanh-wanh. 

A brief list of articles mentioning this topic:
CNN about (mostly) megadoses. Gets lots wrong. Is vitamin or supplementation actually Alternative medicine? Hmm, I thought it went with preventative care or health maintenance. 
CNN is at again in a gross misrepresentation of findings about our friend fish oil!
A decent blog rebuttal of this stupid article! She is a breath of fresh air. 

First- always examine your sources. Most mainstream media view vitamins as weird (maybe) necessary pseudo-science (like chiropracty, in fact) and totally news fodder. Traditional doctors are pretty lame at nutrition. NO, NOT ALL DOCTORS (side note: my friend/neighbor's oncologist recommended pro-biotics for him instead of pills to treat stomach issues after chemo and radiation. This is fantastic!). But I've had pediatricians tell me that homeopathy was dangerous, especially for kids. There is proven research from Europe to contest that. "But that tiny amount of caffeine in those Hyland teething tabs is horrible for kids! It'll make them crazy!" Sigh. These are also the doctors who don't know shit about vegan and vegetarian diets. They don't understand how protein works or where to get it, aside from meat. They don't understand the beauty of eggs (really, if you are low in B12, you must not eat many eggs.). Or that there are 2 grams of protein in a serving of kale. That's alot for a vegetable folks. Think on it- brown rice, beans and kale. Add some eggs and you have a lot of available, non-meat protein. 

Second- Remember that every body is different. Your experience of stress is so different than mine! I had a bad time earlier this month, got really stressed out and discovered that I needed some B vitamins. How do I know this? B vitamins are used for energy. They are used by the body to process white flour, sugar, caffeine, alcohol and IN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. I have always, since I was little, required more B6 than the average bear. I'm high strung? I like to drink more caffeine and eat more bread than maybe is good for me? And since I changed my diet to eat less simple carbs, very little flour and less alcohol, I stopped taking B vitamins. I needed help this month and I took it. My symptoms that indicate I'm using more B than I'm ingesting: mouth sores, unhealthy cuticles, energy drops, dark circles under my eyes. [I lost a friend and dealt with it by eating convenience food and drinking more alcohol. Wanh-wanh.] 
To this end, with every body being so different, you really have to do some work on nutritional supplements. I hear so many people railing against vitamins because they feel defrauded. Ok, I hear you on that one. You don't know if you are getting what the bottle says you are getting, no oversite or guarantee there. You feel overwhelmed and goaded by opposing information from media sources. You aren't sure, given these opposing POVs, what you actually need. But reading stuff like this right here will help you start to get a handle on what is happening in every body, what you personally need and what your soft spots are! 

Third- Can you get what you need through an amazing diet? Yes I believe you can. Is food today less nutrient dense? I don't know. I think the sources on this topic are highly biased and I can't find information that I stand by. I'm a horticulturalist. I reinforce my soil with good compost and no pesticides. I eat what I raise on this soil. I buy vegetables from people who do the same thing. I eat meat that was raised on pretty fields and finished with nice grain from those fields. I do what I can. I eat organic fermented dairy. It seems to be fine, in the short term. Perfect? No. Unknowns? Lots. 
Do most people get what they need through their diets? Absolutely not! We eat things from boxes that have had "nutrients" injected into them. This makes me uncomfortable! Did you hear the news that Naked juice has to remove the "all natural" from its label? It was found to contain "... Archer Daniels Midland’s Fibersol-2 (“a soluble corn fiber that acts as a low-calorie bulking agent”), fructooligosaccharides (an alternative sweetener), and genetically modified soy." (worldobserveronline.com/2013/07/20)
That makes me feel lied to and reinforces my belief that the more things I eat with a label, the more dangerously I'm eating. I can just take kale from my garden, add some fruit and some yogurt and make a smoothie. And I won't feel lied to. 

Maybe a lot of this post is opinion.... certainly it is. I'm trying to provide information and not useless ranting, though. I hope you take away this: always examine the sources of competing vitamin rhetoric. Try to find out what you really need before you go off trying to take a ton of vitamins. Give yourself a good hard examination of symptoms, needs, etc. Find a medical person to help with outlining any deficiencies you may have. 
Cover up in the sun- skin cancer is real. Wear a hat! Mineral sunscreen is safest but do what you can. 
Nearly everyone needs more vitamin D than they are getting. Get a test at your doctor's office or a clinic to find out how much you are getting and/or need. 
Read up on fish oil. I believe in it! 
blackberry lily says Heyyyy!
Eat good food. Eat it every damn day. Enjoy yourself while you do! Better food = better nutrition = better functioning body machine. 

Cheerio..... xoxox


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Japanese gardens: design to reality

Instead of posting a didactic blog on Japanese gardens (here's what not to do, here are the basics, blah blah blah), I'll relate my experience, give you the design and then final pictures from the homeowners. It's summer and fun time- let's not be too serious but give ourselves over to pretty plants, cool breezes and cocktails on the patio (lots of bug spray on our ankles).

My clients here are a wonderfully eclectic pair- kids, grandkids, etc. But they have lived in the past in Japan and harbor a deep love of Japanese gardens. (And who doesn't??) But these two also have the unique experience of actually living in Japan, not just visiting or reading the occasional book. They are also fair gardeners. When you look at the pictures, you'll see that Roger and Sharon are also good craftspeople! They built the pond more than a decade ago (at least 15 years they said), Roger built the Tojo gate, they laid the stepping stones themselves. As well, they installed all the plants and mulch and the extensive drip irrigation system!

First step in the process was speaking with my clients, extensively, about their needs and wants. Who would use this? How would this be enjoyed? What activities are going to be done in the back yard? In their case, as well, they had purchased trees, had the existing pond and a small retaining wall/ berm. The idea was to create a cozy, enclosed and private backyard that minimized some of the outside interference. They also wanted a separation from their small lawn into the garden area with a gate. 
From there, I researched Japanese design elements. I knew many Japanese garden favorites. But it's always important to shift plant choices to the climate and culture of the garden where they will live. Roger and Sharon have a backyard that faces east. 
Important elements for me: rock, wood, evergreens, groundcover plants, a curved path. We have no gravel or sand. But we have a body of water and the curved rock path. We also have a bamboo gate. 

Hand colored design:

gate drawing
  

 


































Roger in his gate: hand tied bamboo.... very lovely! If you would like more information about the design or plant choices, let me know. I can detail them. You get an idea of the plant palette through the design and images, I hope.

--- Laurel

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Big June, the solstice, the supermoon and summer

During the summer months, it's always refreshing and invigorating when so many circumstances coincide. I'm talking about the full moon, the supermoon (meaning super close to the earth and huge) along with the solstice BUT then you have all of the wonderful big summer medicine, the harvest month for herbs.
This month, this past week I've harvested calendula blossoms for infused oil. I've harvested rosemary for spice and oil. Comfrey for oil. Yarrow and echinacea flowers/ stalks for tincture. I will go back in the fall and do a root harvest for both of those and make a tincture that is a combination of the flower and the root. Pretty powerful stuff.....

Yarrow- are you interested in this plant? Here is an image of the native white yarrow that we find around here. It can be invasive- which... I don't really find that appropriate here. It can be a garden thug, if you don't want LOTS of it in your garden. It loves to spread! It will populate your lawn if you let it. But that also means it's strong and supple and resilient.
Active volatile oil: azulene and others.
medicinal white yarrowUse as an antispasmodic, certainly astringent (due to its tannin content),  In addition, I use yarrow against colds, sore throats, infections or suspected upper respiratory/ ear/ throat infections. It is a great topical healer against skin things/ eruptions: bad bug bites, stings, burns (crush and hold against it), also read that it can be used topically to help take down warts. Though I have little experience with it in this form, due to its highly bitter quality, it is a bile stimulator and kidney tonic (blood purifier perhaps). I am drying it this year for an emergency tea (YUCK, bitter, psst, blech) and/or wound healer. Can you tell I have a lot of it?
[Interesting side note: just found this on a Google search of Yarrow. It can be used on animals, namely horse, bleeding/ oozing wounds:

Wound Aid for Animals is yarrow, Achillea millefolium, harvested in full bloom, dried and powdered. It is liberally applied to open bleeding, oozing or otherwise raw wounds. I have used it most on horses with moderately severe to gruesome wire cuts. I apply it by liberally sprinkling it on the open wound or throwing it on the wound if the horse is not cooperative or restrained. A large quantity will adhere to the wound. Yarrow is a hemostat — or blood stopper — it works best on lacerations. It does not impress me as a blood stopper on incisions or clipped nails. It does work effectively to stop oozing sutured incisions. It is anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial and accelerates wound healing with reduced formation of scar tissue." http://www.buckmountainbotanicals.net/treatments/woundaid.html]






Clary Sage: Exotic looking, blooms every other year. Reseeds itself. It is a salvia. Its most common use is in essential oil. Obviously, I'm not making essential oil at home, am I? No. Part of the danger of essential oils is that they are the chemical extraction of hundreds and hundreds of plants to create 1 ounce of highly concentrated oil. The oil then has lots of potency and can be deadly if ingested. Don't leave it around for small people to mess with... I've gotten burns from very concentrated oil.
That being said, this plant with its huge leaves and very pale exotic spikes is going into oil. I'm making an infused oil of it- it has a lemony, mysterious scent. In old herbals, it warns over and over not to mix with alcohol due to its intense effects. Or maybe it is a warning TO MIX with alcohol, since it intensifies the effects! But I used the aromatherapy oil during my labor, on a handkerchief tucked into my bosom. It was centering.

I'm also making oil from calendula blooms- calendula oil is just.... well, it heals everything. Diaper rash to radiation burns- it isn't magic or super fast, but it is a calming, lovely golden ray of sunshine! I dry my blossoms just a few hours to get any water off of them then put them in my oil jar. I did all of this on the solstice- I started the jar last week and am adding to it until the season for calendula is done.

Also, this link here is a great article on plantain! My dad was a huge proponent of plantain (the narrow and the wide leaved). I prefer the wide as it is softer, brings down swelling and bites quicker, etc. I do chew it up and put it on insect bites if I'm walking/ hiking OR (here is a major flashbulb moment folks!)-- it grows right near poison ivy most of the time. If you spot poison ivy, or you don't, and walk through it, chew up plantain and rub it on your affected parts. Now obviously, the best thing is to wash off your exposed skin that contacted the PI. Because you're dumb if you don't. But Plantain will help after the poison ivy has erupted and made your skin and life hell.

Next up is a garden design blog... that's in a few days. I designed a Japanese garden and I had the pleasure of seeing it brought to life! And the Oakleaf Hydrangeas... knocking me outttttt!